Sunday, July 29, 2012

Vacation!

One of the challenges we face with our son is going outside of our routine: i.e. Vacation! In the past we have had to head home after only an hour or two because of extreme anxiety and fear of the unknown (i.e. extreme meltdowns). We have learned a lot since then, but we still have challenges when it comes to vacation. We have been on vacation for the past week and a half with our family. In my book "I am Jake: My Life on the Autism Spectrum" I have a couple pages that share from Jake's perspective how his world is organized including preparing for vacation. On page 22, Jake's mom is using his picture schedule. This is something we use daily in our family, and has been a great help in preparing for change. It also provides opportunity for our son to have choices and control in some ways throughout his day. We use real pictures when we can because of his excellent memory. On page 25, Jake's dad is showing him pictures of where they will be going on a trip. We use this with our son way in advance of the actual trip. We began showing him pictures of the lake, lake house, boat, etc.. that we would be going to about 2 months ago. This time of preparation helps him to organize his world in a way that he can work through his feelings of anxiety and fear before we actually arrive. Now, this preparation does not eliminate his fear and anxiety by any means, but it does minimize it.

For example, on this trip we were going to be using a boat for the week. We talked about that boat for 2 months, watched YouTube videos of pontoons, looked at pictures of pontoons, face timed with cousins about the pontoon. When we arrived, we did not get the boat until 2 days later which allowed him time to see other boats on the water. When it was time to go pick up the boat, he did not want to go with the others. He wanted to stay at the lake house. I definitely gave him that option. We continued talking about using the boat throughout the day, and I saw his anxiety and fear trying to rise up. One thing that happens when he becomes anxious is his repetitive behavior increases. His repetitive behaviors is usually in the form of slapping his stomach. He did begin doing that. He also began saying "I want to take the boat back" over and over before it had arrived. I could tell he felt like he did not have any control of this unknown. This process went on for about an hour before the boat arrived. When the boat arrived, he said it was the wrong color and needed to go back. I gave him the choice of going down just to look at it while the others ate lunch. He walked down to the dock with me and and stared at it for a while. Then I began showing him the life jackets and told him he could pick his special one. He liked that choice. We stayed down at the dock for about 45 minutes just looking at the boat and exploring. We went up and ate lunch, talked about going on the boat (cousins were involved), and told him the plan for the rest of the day. We went down to the boat all together. I just watched him to see what he would do. He got on behind his older, adored cousin, and pointed out to her the life jacket he had picked out, and he began putting it on. He picked a spot on the boat and sat with both hands holding tightly to the railing, and didn't make a peep as the boat pulled out. I was so proud!!!!

In the past, without the 2 months of preparation, the 45 minutes of exploring, and the additional preparation we probably would have seen a much different experience. In the past without that, we would have brought him down to the boat on everyone else's time table and tried to get him on the boat with probably a reaction of extreme crying, running away, falling to the ground, refusal to go on, etc... I wouldn't have blamed him either. We then would have taken him back to the house and not tried again. He had so much fun on that boat. We have learned enough about him to know that he doesn't necessarily work on everyone else's time table. He does want to experience knew things, but when not allowed time for processing new experiences he shuts down completely. I loved watching his nervous excitement on the boat! He was able to do something that broadened his experiences in life. I am so glad we have learned this.

Now today we also tried to go to go to church with my sister while we are still here in Virginia. We did not have time to prepare him. In hind sight, we should have come about 30 minutes early to let him walk around the building, get his bearings, before we tried to have him sit in a completely new environment (different from his home church in Colorado). We did not do that, and we could not get him to come in until the last 5 minutes. He had so many tears and a look of panic on his face at the thought of going into this environment with new people, new chairs, new preacher, new music, new sounds, new smells, etc... He went into shut down mode. Some would say that he was being defiant, but we have learned differently over the years. He was scared, and we did not allow him enough time to process the change. So daddy stayed with him in the parking lot until he felt he could face the new situation.

So we have learned preparation, but it isn't always possible to do those things that help him so much. We can't plan out his entire day all the time and account for all changes, but right now at his age, we can certainly try to give him the time to structure his thoughts and world so that he will WANT to engage in life. Sometimes we won't be able to get him to that point and the experience will pass. But he is beginning to engage in so many more things on his own time, and if forced would have participated in none of it. I am thankful for the experiences that have taught me so much. My goal again for my son is that he will be able to become comfortable in his own skin and engage in life in his own way that brings him happiness.

What have your experiences been with vacation?

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